My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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