Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
