CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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