Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
