I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
