you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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