Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
