someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
