It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
