I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My ass is underappreciated
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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