I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
