Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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