I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
