I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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