I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
