do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
