So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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