I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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