I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
