dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
