So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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