whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
