I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
