i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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