a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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