When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
