I will die if light touches me.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
