someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
