I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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