I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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