Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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