If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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