I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
