I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
