Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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