So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
