If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Hippo gnu deer
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
