A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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