All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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