If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I wear drunk well.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
