he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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