My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
