we have pet lesbian snakes
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
