Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
