first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
