Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We have started to decorate penises.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
