my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
