let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
