Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
