So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
