You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
