the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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