in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Two words: blizzard sex
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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