I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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