I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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