I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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