when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
