operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
