You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Girls should come with a carfax report
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
