Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
