I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
