I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
