Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
