i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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