I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
