i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
