He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
