I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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